BLOG: This Small Shift

Sometimes we spend a good portion of time with our people venting - working through and getting out the irritations, slights, and other negatives we experience on a daily basis, so things don't hang around and fester. Done well, venting leaves us feeling better.

The problem is we often vent in a way that is unproductive and leaves us feeling worse.

So here is a practice that will keep you on your growth trajectory:

Figure out what you want in this gab session. Do you simply need to be heard? Do you need advice? Or do you simply want to be completely negative for a moment (No judgment here. As we begin the change process, there may be times when you choose negativity, because, quite frankly, at first it can feel good to surrender to negative emotion. The difference is that you are proactively choosing, and you will contain it by setting a 20 minute limit).

As you talk, notice how you feel. Are you feeling better or worse (assuming you chose not to go negative)? Are you getting what you need? Does this experience align with your goal for this session? If not, change course.

Once the emotion subsides, figure out where the opportunity exists. Is this situation something you can change? Where is the opportunity for growth? How can you create something positive? Where do you want to go from here?

Take action or let it go. If you can make a change, what is the next step? If you can't change it, let it go (Yes, easier said than done. Read here for the practice).

Try it for a month and see what difference it makes. Some clients even go so far as to commit to a no-complaint contract. Whatever you choose, remember to also practice self-compassion, when you do not do it perfectly. Simply recognize what you are doing, and start again.